Category: Military

Tour of Duty – Military vs Civilian

“Hello. I’m writing from home but it’s not my home. and your. Living in a place that is not my home.”

One person. Military life. Civilian life. Two identities. A soldier. A civilian. The same person.

In a neomorphic collision of lives, Soldiers interchange their identities.

Military life encompasses uniforms, uniformity, leadership, preparedness, and training. Soldiers provide services where and when needed. Military life commands a call to duty. A call to service. A call to serve bigger than themselves.

Civilian life clamors for uniqueness, individuality and self-empowerment. It values flexibility, spontaneity and creative engagement. Civilian life is like a do-it-yourself, take-it-at-your-own-pace, self-directed course in life living.

Then it happens. Much like a canoe headed downstream. One minute you’re up and paddling. Hanging out with family and friends. The next minute, your deployment orders arrive. It’s time to go.

There’s no time or space to land. So you do what every great soldier does. You jump. Water splashes. You hit the water running. You report for duty.

Skillfully, without capsizing, your family and your friends do the inner-canoe shuffle. Trading places. Their re-arrange. They paddle. Their navigation remains the same.

The distance between you and them becomes more like lifetimes of distant, outdated memories. Living 12 to 18 months across countries. Across worlds.

Back home, the unstructured zaniness of civilian life clamors on; without you. The once familiar …

“What’s for dinner?” 
“Where’s grandma? The neighbors called. She ditched her dentures in their toolshed.”
“Who used my toothbrush?”
“What! You flunked 1st grade for the 3rd time?”
“If it’s not your fault the dog ate the turkey than whose is it?”

A canter and a language no longer you own.

Coming home … you wonder, where did it go?

Your family and your friends re-adjusted; without you.  Changed roles; without you. Routines formed; without you. Life at home moved on; without you.

Deployment ends. Soldiers return. The canoe is not where you left it. Chasing it down. Skillfully, without capsizing, you lumber in.  Your family and friends rearrange. What was, no longer is.

In life, as in story, change happens. What once was, will never be again. A new normal unfolds.

ReStory: One Man – One Tree

Howling winds and torrential flooding ravaged through a young soldier’s life. Purging his house of its structure. Purging his farm of its avocado trees. 18-months of deployment has pasted.

Coming home used to mean sleeping in one’s own bed. Celebrating the harvest of an abundant avocado crop. The one his neighbors gleefully crowed about.

This time, coming home meant seeing a house without a frame. An avocado farm without trees to harvest. One tree remained. A male tree. Strong, yet barren, as only female trees produce fruit.

He prepared for his next deployment. Only 12 months this time.

In a conversation before he left. His lifted his eyes. He looked ahead. Uncertainty wavering, he looked back down; then up. He stood. He smiled. He said, “I am like the tree. Strong. Still standing. The storm; she planted the seeds for a bigger farm. I can see it growing already.”

One man. A new story.

Another ReStory Support Option

Magical trinkets. Electronic devises. Unexpected smiles and encouraging words all make life a bit easier. More palatable. More humane.  At times we all can benefit from a bit of extra support. For soldiers, natural disaster survivors and their families may also benefit from a bit of extra support.

Give an Hour offers professional, confidential counseling FREE of charge for Military personnel, natural disaster survivors and their families. A bit of extra support towards the next legs of one’s journey.

Until next time . . . Story Impact: Changing Stories – Impacting Lives

No Comments Life's StoriesMeaningMilitaryStrengthTrauma

Not What I Expected

No, this is, definitely, not what I expected.

It isn’t like you got up this morning, or any other morning, with the alarm clock buzzing inside your head. Kicking it off your nightstand, you stagger to your feet. Forcing your eyelids open, you look into the mirror.

Looking back at you stands a rumpled post-a-note begging you to add today’s goals or intentions.

OK fine, but they did not include:

The almost humorous bank robbery with a bicycle for a get-a-way car.
Nearly being run over by a car careening through your office windows.
Giving CPR to a co-worker outside the break room. 
Hearing the news the vice president’s secretary didn’t make it.

It probably didn’t include anything like what you experienced. Yet it happened. You were there. You didn’t choose it but now you must deal with it.

Now what?

Acknowledge what happened. Even that it did happen.

Give yourself a chance to grieve and to get the support you need. This could be a trip to the gym; a new pair of shoes; a case of tissue paper; a call to a friend; a mini-therapy session with your dog . . .

Breath.Breath in through your nose. Breath out through your mouth. Repeat until things feel calmer.

Give yourself permission to be who you are in this moment.

Until next time . . . Story Impact: Changing Stories – Changing lives.

No Comments Grief and LossHealingMilitaryTrauma