Story Impact

That sudden, unexpected, or even seeming expected loss, its impact, its story cuts deeply into our hearts and lives. Tears, sudden waves of emotion flood our entire beings. Often those around us, while seemingly well-meaning, attempt to “stop our flow” of release the pain and loss pouring out of us.  Grieving is a normal, healthy process, a sign of inner courage in meeting the reality of loss – not a weakness.

Some of the stages of grief and in the grieving process include:

Denial

• Disbelief
• Shock
• Numbness

Guilt and Anger

• Guilt, sometimes misdirected, often a gift that keeps on giving if you allow it to
• Anger, sometimes misdirected, often at the person that left

Sadness and Despair

• Tearfulness
• Depression
• Sadness
• Loneliness
• Reminders that bring new waves of grief

Acceptance and Hope

• Acceptance of your loss
• Adjustment to changes

Aftermath

• Gradual lessening of the feelings associated with grief

Until next time . . . touch someone’s heart, it might be your own.

Story Impact

Tags: Acceptance, Grief, grief loss and bereavement, Health, Kübler-Ross model

Thank you mental health professionals from Boston General Hospital for your insightful images and story. In a recent teleconference I appreciated the example of a family traveling down river in a canoe. The image stand so clear in my mind. The family gathers around in preparation for their journey. Extra clothes, food and blankets are all packed for the trip. Climbing into the canoe, balance out weight, leg room and paddling ration, they begin their adventure down stream. Working as a team, enjoying the moment they paddle on. A signal is transmitted to one of the parents, they have just been called into active duty. The message requests that they leave immediately to report for duty. The Parent leaps out of the canoe and swims away. As they are swimming away, what they do not realize is that they have just turned the canoe upside down. All their family’s supplies are now floating down stream and their family is hanging onto the sides of the boat and their paddles wondering what just happened. The family re-groups, flips the canoe over, bails out the water and re-secures their supplies.  The family re-adjusts themselves and continues on their way.

Months or years later their beloved family member returns from active duty. First they return to the spot where they left the canoe, only the canoe is no longer there. Swimming on they eventually catch up to the canoe and jump into the place they were sitting before they left the canoe to report for duty. Only in doing so, one, they forgot to check and see if someone else might be sitting in that place. Two, they end up tipping over the canoe again. All their family’s supplies are now floating down stream and their family is hanging onto the sides of the boat and their paddles wondering what just happened. The family re-groups, flips the canoe over, bails out the water and re-secures their supplies.  The family re-adjusts themselves and continues on their way.

When a parent or family member leaves for active duty the rest of the family must re-adjust themselves, their roles and their “position” to meet the challenges of the loss of this family member. Once that initial adjustment is made, the family continues on with daily life, as they too continue to grow and change with each other.

Their beloved and missed family member returns. In the excitement of the moment their entire lives again get changed and everyone must re-adjust. Only this time, the service member is coming back to the place they left, only that place is not longer available to them. The canoe, with his/her family and friends has moved on down the river. His/her family has been going on, in some cases, just fine with out them. Their original place in the canoe has now been filled with someone else.

Now what? The family must start over, gather some new supplies and again, change their positions.

Until next time . . . touch someone’s heart, it might be your own.

Story’s Impact, impacting people’s lives.

Tags: Change, Military, Trauma

“Nothing has meaning expect the meaning we give it.” Neale Donald Walsh

It happened, it did, there is no denying it, although we may try. In trying to deny  that it happened, it appears to work, but, oh no! It doesn’t. Life sucks. I tense up every time I  . . . My family says that I need to move, get a new job, just forget about it, just get over it . . . Yes, forget about it, if only I could, I might sleep better at night . . . I might not feel so afraid walking into the building any more . . . I might not suddenly, out of no where, unexpectedly break into tears . . .  I might not feel like decking the next person who says “Everything happens for a reason.” . . .

It happened, we can not change it, deny it, run from it, or even hide from it. It is there, the shock, the emotion, the uncertainty, the wondering if and when it will happen again, . . . So many unanswered questions and could of, would of , should of thoughts.  Some how thinking that just maybe we could control the situation . . . If only . . . Some how the Google search box did not come up with “local bank robber’s events calendar” or “tornado’s hit to miss road map” or Human Resources “Managemental appointed employee termination dates” .

It did happen. You were there. It sucks. No one, especially you should ever have to go through something like this. Life will never be the same again. All this is true. Even though we could not change what happened to us, we can change the meaning we give it. How we handle things afterwards is our choice, not “our fault” or anyone else’s fault. You can choose if this situation will define you, or you will define it. It is your story, you have the right to choose the meaning you give it.

To Your Story’s Impact!

Until next time . . . touch someone’s heart, it might be your own.

Tags: Denial, Impact, Meaning, Pain, Strength

“Every day I had to make a conscious choice between love and fear. I chose love and it eventually won—as it always will.”  Karin Volo

Thank you for the opportunity to share Karin Volo’s inspiring work through Joy. I was honored by the opportunity to have a conversation with Karin as she shared with me some of her incredible gifts and story.

A nationally and internationally known, acclaimed business developer, success coach, dedicated partner and Mother of two young children, ages 6 and 8, entered into the airport in San Diego, CA for a return flight home. Only one week prior to this, Karin’s wildest dreams rapidly unfolded in her life; moving into her dream home, watching the Law of Attraction movie ”The Secrete”, preparing for the launch of her highly successful business across two more countries, now standing, with the man of her dreams and business partner, excitedly awaiting a flight back home to their family in Sweden. A tap of the shoulder from a US Marshall at the San Diego, CA airport in March of 2006 changed Karin’s and her family’s life forever.

Karin, being immediately placed under arrest, was handcuffed, jailed, accused, yet never convicted or sentenced, for a crime she never committed, in a country that was not her own. This devastating, life altering news reached her family, without even a chance to hug her young children good-bye. Karin, now facing the horrifying uncertainty of living, locked down, in the seamlessly, never ending, mind numbing lines, rows, and levels of iron bars encasing cement defined rooms. Her life now in ever wavering jeopardy, facing possible extradition to Mexico, strip searches, pat downs and head counts . . . Fear and terror threatening to over take her, determined, she enacted the law of attraction. Armed with the book “Yoga for Dummy’s” from the prison library and her courage, she served to meet the needs of herself, her family and fellow inmates for the next 1,342 days. During this time she led other women in powerful visualizations of their lives, outside iron bars, and cement walls. In these visualizations the women loving transporting their children from one activity to another, celebrating their accomplishments, supporting them in their dreams, and somehow embracing the knowledge, through faith, that today’s reality would never become tomorrow’s destiny.

Armed once again with books from the local prison’s library, Karin studied meditation and spirituality. During her now daily meditation sessions the image of a young girl, named Joy, spoke to Karin. In the course of her communication with Joy, Karin authored 27 books relating the deep spiritual truths that she was learning in a manor that her children would understand. Joy grew illuminating Karin’s mind and her time. One by one, she wrote, illustrated and sent these Joy books to her family in Sweden. It was through Joy that Karin and her family embarked on a life transforming, Spiritual journey together.

Karin’s story so immeasurably touched me, by the incredible gift she gave her family, as during these tough times her books, her words, her presence, her Mothering stood so markedly strong and far reaching. I am inspired by the strength of Karin’s love and parenting as she continued nourishing and nurturing her family and their friends through her inspirational stories. While Karin could not be there in person, she was present in so many other ways. I can just see her children receiving one of these incredible gifts, the kind we all love to give our children. Sitting there with their Father, welling with excitement in anticipations of receiving and opening these immense treasures from their Mother. Through their now Father’s voice, hearing their Mother’s words read through a literary journey of hope, faith and love’s transforming power. Then the excitement of sharing it with their friends:  “Look at what my Mom . . .” The incredible gift of skills, tools, strength, self worth and empowerment that Karin gave each member of her family. I can not image what Karin’s children thought or felt as they received these treasured gifts from their Mother. Then, approximately 3 years and 10 months later, receiving the news that she, in person, was coming home.

Thank you Karin and Joy for Bringing Joy to the World!

Until next time . . .   Story Impact: Changing Stories – Impacting Lives Story Impact

Tags: Bringing Joy to the World, Family, Joy, Karin, Law of Attraction, Mexico, Mother, San Diego, Sweden

Unexpected events happen in life. Banks, stores and people get robbed. Tornadoes, floods, hurricanes and other acts of nature happen. People suddenly, unexpected die. Wars have been and are a part of the word’s reality.

“I wasn’t there . . . this type of thing never happened to me . . . I almost feel guilty that I can  not relate . . .” What do I say? I know they hurt.

You might start with saying: I am so sorry this (name the event – that his person died, that your were robbed, that your house is gone . . .) Then listen. Dont’ worry about what your going to say. Listening is not waiting for your turn to talk, it is simply listening. If you have the time and energy offer to help, but be specific.

“I am going to the story tomorrow, what would you like me to get for you?”

“I am going to our meeting Thursday, would you like me to pick you up at three?”

“I just made an extra big batch of soup, would it be OK to bring some over after six tonight?”

Just offering your help and a telephone number might be too broad for the person in crisis. Making what you are able to do and what might be helpful to this individual makes it easier for them to accept and know who and what is available to them at this time.

If appropriate, give a hug. Always a nice way to let another know you care, especially when words just don’t say it all.

Until next time . . . touch a heart. It might be yours!

www.storyimpact.org 

Tags: Acknowledge, Listening, Support, Trauma