Tour of Duty – Military vs Civilian

24
Oct
2018

“Hello. I’m writing from home but it’s not my home. and your. Living in a place that is not my home.”

One person. Military life. Civilian life. Two identities. A soldier. A civilian. The same person.

In a neomorphic collision of lives, Soldiers interchange their identities.

Military life encompasses uniforms, uniformity, leadership, preparedness, and training. Soldiers provide services where and when needed. Military life commands a call to duty. A call to service. A call to serve bigger than themselves.

Civilian life clamors for uniqueness, individuality and self-empowerment. It values flexibility, spontaneity and creative engagement. Civilian life is like a do-it-yourself, take-it-at-your-own-pace, self-directed course in life living.

Then it happens. Much like a canoe headed downstream. One minute you’re up and paddling. Hanging out with family and friends. The next minute, your deployment orders arrive. It’s time to go.

There’s no time or space to land. So you do what every great soldier does. You jump. Water splashes. You hit the water running. You report for duty.

Skillfully, without capsizing, your family and your friends do the inner-canoe shuffle. Trading places. Their re-arrange. They paddle. Their navigation remains the same.

The distance between you and them becomes more like lifetimes of distant, outdated memories. Living 12 to 18 months across countries. Across worlds.

Back home, the unstructured zaniness of civilian life clamors on; without you. The once familiar …

“What’s for dinner?” 
“Where’s grandma? The neighbors called. She ditched her dentures in their toolshed.”
“Who used my toothbrush?”
“What! You flunked 1st grade for the 3rd time?”
“If it’s not your fault the dog ate the turkey than whose is it?”

A canter and a language no longer you own.

Coming home … you wonder, where did it go?

Your family and your friends re-adjusted; without you.  Changed roles; without you. Routines formed; without you. Life at home moved on; without you.

Deployment ends. Soldiers return. The canoe is not where you left it. Chasing it down. Skillfully, without capsizing, you lumber in.  Your family and friends rearrange. What was, no longer is.

In life, as in story, change happens. What once was, will never be again. A new normal unfolds.

ReStory: One Man – One Tree

Howling winds and torrential flooding ravaged through a young soldier’s life. Purging his house of its structure. Purging his farm of its avocado trees. 18-months of deployment has pasted.

Coming home used to mean sleeping in one’s own bed. Celebrating the harvest of an abundant avocado crop. The one his neighbors gleefully crowed about.

This time, coming home meant seeing a house without a frame. An avocado farm without trees to harvest. One tree remained. A male tree. Strong, yet barren, as only female trees produce fruit.

He prepared for his next deployment. Only 12 months this time.

In a conversation before he left. His lifted his eyes. He looked ahead. Uncertainty wavering, he looked back down; then up. He stood. He smiled. He said, “I am like the tree. Strong. Still standing. The storm; she planted the seeds for a bigger farm. I can see it growing already.”

One man. A new story.

Another ReStory Support Option

Magical trinkets. Electronic devises. Unexpected smiles and encouraging words all make life a bit easier. More palatable. More humane.  At times we all can benefit from a bit of extra support. For soldiers, natural disaster survivors and their families may also benefit from a bit of extra support.

Give an Hour offers professional, confidential counseling FREE of charge for Military personnel, natural disaster survivors and their families. A bit of extra support towards the next legs of one’s journey.

Until next time . . . Story Impact: Changing Stories – Impacting Lives

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Robbery – Story’s Shift

13
Sep
2018

Being the  ill-fated middle – person between the barrel of a gun and a robber’s forced cash withdraw didn’t show up on your bucket list. 

A gun aimed in your direction is terrifying. For me, it came out ok. For others it didn’t.

Wrapped up in the routine of the day, a demand for money note appears in front of you. Just in case you weren’t sure you were being held up, someone flashes a gun. All questions answered.

You fearing for your life. Your terrified about might happen to the people you love if something happened to you. You hand it over, just like the note said. In the moment, feels like days, the robber makes a get-a-way. Still breathing you wonder if you were really robbed. If what happened really happened.

Maybe it did. Maybe it didn’t. But whether it did or didn’t it is done. If you have any other questions you can review the security tapes after the law enforcement officials and news teams leave.

Now matter what happened or how it happened, people react differently. We are all unique creatures with different life experiences so it only makes sense.

Robbed and Talking

Hanging out in the pool area at a local sports club, iced swimmers migrate towards heated whirlpool waters. Some people sit, while others stand. The aroma of chlorine and the hum of muffled conversations and the mechanical drone of jet-propelled water fulls air space.

“My husband was robbed at work … ” comes the persistent tone of a woman’s voice. Quieting, attentive hot tub listeners lean in.

“He was held up at gunpoint … ” Her story continues. “We’ve been in counseling for two years just in case it happens again.” 

Pausing, she looks down. “I’m not a member. My husband can’t work. He could have gotten killed … “

In a different location, filtered sunlight floods the entryway to the local National Bank. Perched on stark metal chairs employees share the experiences of the latest robbery. A young employees father briefly interrupts, finding it hard to believe his daughter is still alive.

An older lady speaks up. “It’s my third time. I don’t think it gets any easier, but some [robberies] are just funnier than others.”

Wiping a tear from her eye, “He had a gun.” Laughing and crying, she continues, “This time the get-a-way car was a one speed bike.”

A few months later this same lady in the same bank was robbed again. Her story continued. “Going to court was the worst but after that I just felt sorry for the guy. I still write to him in prison.”

Get-a-Away not Getting You

Robbery happens. Robbers usually don’t target specific people at a set date and time. They want the goods. Robbery is just a way of getting them.

It would be really awesome if robbers used publically accessible calendars or social media news flashes. If they did, we would plan our day a different way. If they did, we might feel less of a target, even when we are not. If they did maybe we could just put the goods out front and save all the hassle and drama. But they don’t. 

Robbery and being robbed has lots of meanings to it. Being robbed of a promotion, your ideas, your role, your program or your goods can leave any of us feeling targeted and vulnerable.

Going back to work or the place it happened now takes courage. Then trying to double dodge the deafening voice in the back of our heads screaming about something we are sure we did wrong, but didn’t.

Gutting through the survivor guilt. Feeling like somehow if something worse happened to us instead of someone else this whole thing would be easier. Or even trying to figure out how we change what happened when we can’t.

What you can change is you. Your story can change too. The one about what happened, why it happened and what happens next.

OK it happened. You’ve talked about it. It sucks. But … What if you told this story a bit differently?

ReStory – Your Get-a-Way

The truth is there are things you did which helped yourself or someone else. Find something you had the courage to do. Or something you did to help someone out, including yourself. 

Did you have the courage to go back to work? The courage to tell your story? The courage to make the call. The courage to … 

When you are ready, review what happened. See the strength and the courage you brought to the situation.

Look at some of the amazing people around you. How did they help? What hidden strengths or courage did they do? What did you learn about yourself in some unexpected way or ways?

Did the drudgery of seemingly endless, routine training drills pay off this time? Did some people’s actions surprise you? Did you work together as a team in way you didn’t think was possible? 

Did people offer helpful support in unexpected ways?

Start your new story. Acknowledge your strengths – the strong stuff. The positive, unexpected things that seemingly came out of no where. The strength you already showed. The courageous steps you have already taken.

Let the people around you know their strengths. How they helped. Other good stuff you saw in them. Your story is already changing.

Being the hero or heroin of your story, means saying yet it. So name it. Say it out loud. Tell someone else about it. 

How does it feel? What’s different about your story now?

If life throws a challenging curve, find the support you need. Find the strength inside yourself. If you are honest, it has always been there. This can make a different in how you move through the trauma.

This is your story. Tell it like it is. Tell it only in the way you can.

Be the hero of your story instead of a victim of circumstance.

Until next time … Story Impact: Changing Stories – Impacting Lives

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Clocking Out – Trauma’s Time Warp

03
Sep
2018

The clock ticks. Time slows. Life stops. 

Tick. Tick. Tick. The hollow sound of the clock drones on.

When something traumatic happens it can leave us wondering if it happened at all. Or if what happened it is just an ill-fated dream, with morning only moments away. Only this kind of morning never comes. Yet, the feelings and experiences are real.

Anger, grief and fear are now familiar, much like worn out friends on a sour day.  Feelings taunt us. They trick us into thinking this is normal. So normal, we are almost afraid to let go. Because if we do, their absence would threaten to separate us from something or someone we once knew and loved.

Time slows. What once was, no longer is.

ReStory 

Find a quiet spot or a quiet time of the day. Grab a piece of paper and your favorite pen. Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes. Then write, draw or scribble anything that comes to mind. Words, feelings, images, doubts, fears … whatever it is, write it down.

When you are finished, destroy the paper. Don’t go back and read it. Just destroy it. What is done is done. 

Afterward, ask yourself these questions. Someone people write down the answers. Seeing your answers can help you know that some things can be different. 

What was it I like to do this?
What has changed? 
What is different now than when you started?

Time is time. Clocks are clocks. What happened, has happened. We are who we are. What you choose is up to you.

For many of us, when we stop fighting with ourselves and our experiences we can begin to see what is possible beyond them. Whatever things feel like now, life around you is still happening. Life is still changing. You are not the same person you were when things happened.

Until next time . . . Story Impact: Changing Stories – Changing Lives!

Disclaimer:  This exercise is not designed to diagnose or treat challenges relating to mental illness, crisis intervention or life-threatening situations. If you are experiencing any type of mental health emergency, immediately call 911 or contact your healthcare team.

No Comments Grief and LossHealingMeaningStrengthTrauma

Quiet the Mind – Images from the Past

06
Dec
2016

OK, it happened. I was there, but seriously! How many times do I have to relive it? Does it ever end? If it there is an end, how do I get there?

Talking about it helped. It helped to figure out what what was going on. It helped to put some of the pieces together. It even helped to deal with some of the intense emotions.

Helped yes. But my mind’s playback button is still clocking in at triple overtime.

Breath

Simple but powerful.

Catch a breath in through your nose. Exhale through your mouth. Repeat a few more times.

Question

Ask yourself:

Is this happening now?
Answer yourself.

Most likely your answer is no. Take a glance around. Is it happening now or is it here now?

No. Ask again if you need to.

Keep asking until your mind doesn’t have as much to say. Keep asking until the image or images don’t feel as strong. 

Keep asking and answering until your mind gets quieter. Until your emotions settle down.

What is different? 

Until next time . . . Story Impact: Changing Stories – Impacting Lives

4 Comments Grief and LossHealingLife's StoriesStrengthTrauma

Not What I Expected

19
Apr
2014

No, this is, definitely, not what I expected.

It isn’t like you got up this morning, or any other morning, with the alarm clock buzzing inside your head. Kicking it off your nightstand, you stagger to your feet. Forcing your eyelids open, you look into the mirror.

Looking back at you stands a rumpled post-a-note begging you to add today’s goals or intentions.

OK fine, but they did not include:

The almost humorous bank robbery with a bicycle for a get-a-way car.
Nearly being run over by a car careening through your office windows.
Giving CPR to a co-worker outside the break room. 
Hearing the news the vice president’s secretary didn’t make it.

It probably didn’t include anything like what you experienced. Yet it happened. You were there. You didn’t choose it but now you must deal with it.

Now what?

Acknowledge what happened. Even that it did happen.

Give yourself a chance to grieve and to get the support you need. This could be a trip to the gym; a new pair of shoes; a case of tissue paper; a call to a friend; a mini-therapy session with your dog . . .

Breath.Breath in through your nose. Breath out through your mouth. Repeat until things feel calmer.

Give yourself permission to be who you are in this moment.

Until next time . . . Story Impact: Changing Stories – Changing lives.

No Comments Grief and LossHealingMilitaryTrauma

It Hurts . . . What do I say?

17
Apr
2014

 

Life has them. The unexpected, shocking, even horrifying moments. Moments where you wonder if your bones can handle the pressure. When tears sear your skin. When breath wrings out your lungs.

The unexpected happens. People rob people. Storms surge. Wars erupt. People die. Words fall empty. Life continues. 

“I wasn’t there . . . This type of thing never happens to me . . . I feel guilty, it should have been me . . . I can’t relate . . .”

What do I say? I know they hurt. I hurt.

You might start by saying: I am sorry this (say the name the event) happened. I am sorry that (say the name of the person) died. I am so sorry that you were robbed. I am sorry that your house got destroyed . . .

Then listen. Listen without words. Skip the inside the head, trying to figure out what you’re going to say. Just listen. It works. When you feel confident in listening, afterward, it’s amazing how the words just show up. Trust. You’ll know what to say. 

If you want to help, do so. Not everyone is going to want assistance or what you have to offer. It’s ok. 

If they do what the help. It’s ok. 

What’s next?

Be respectively directive. 

“I am going to the store tomorrow, what would you like me to get for you?”

“I am going to our meeting on Thursday, would you like me to pick you up at three o’clock?”

“I just made an extra big batch of soup, would it be OK to bring some over after six o’clock tonight?”

Just offering to help and your telephone number might be too much for a person in crisis to fully process. Making what you are able to do for them and what might be helpful to this individual makes it easier for them to accept or decline your offer.

If appropriate, give a hug. Always a nice way to let another person know that you care, especially when words can’t say it all.

Until next time . . . Story Impact: Changing stories – Transforming lives.

No Comments Grief and LossHealingLife's StoriesListening

Postcards . . . Correspondance Behind Prison Walls

13
Apr
2014

While this post neither addresses, nor endorses, the intricacies of the prison system, it is the focal point for this post.

The news of our daily lives become the centerpiece of our daily conversations. High ranking favorites often include relationship sagas, financial epics, home improvement conquests, entertainment analogs, health chronicles and personal heroics. Like any of us, we talk and write about the adventures, events and characters filling our lives. Having friends in jail has brought forward a new sense of awareness. An awareness about the value and the impact of simple images; often ones taken for granted. Those images frequently marking the events and the familiar backdrop of our daily lives; such as, trees, roads, ducks, hail, clouds, variety in architectural structures . . . the constantly lost to find salt and pepper shakers . . . the various colors and shapes of personal care products . . . the variety pack of clothing styles and colors . . . The very things strikingly absent in the lives of incarcerated inmates; caged inside metal doors.

Writing to a loved one, a child at camp or a get well card seems easy, often effortless. Yet writing to someone behind prison walls somehow feels different, even daunting. Really, what do you say? How is day going? What’s been happening in your life since we last saw each other? Do you share your latest outdoor outing, vacation plans or updates on the mysterious soap slugging vampire rampaging your bathroom? Knowing too, people are living where no matter where they are.

Postcards addressed to me were the best. Magical. Personal. A perfect way to feel grown up with having to read through the drudgery of letters without pictures. Postcards embraced the magic and wonderment of faraway places.

Working as a Social Worker behind prison walls, I heard the stories about how inmates felt abandoned and forgotten. People I knew found themselves behind prison bars.

Remembering the magic of brightly colored notes, I hit local truck stops. I asked truck driving friends to do the same. Soon postcards from across the country arrived in droves.

Armed with my favorite pen, I filled the backs with short stories. A few more with accolades of my days’ events.

Weeks later envelopes of faded white paper filled graphite encrypted messages arrive. Messages about the story behind the postcards. How they now decorated stark, prison walls. Later becoming a gathering point for inmates to connect and to share their stories about the stories of postcards.

I great reminder to me about the power of story and the powerful impact of a single story.

Until Next Time . . . Change stories – Changing lives.

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Connecting to Emotions Through Writing

17
Sep
2012

[This series of blog entries will be an overview of the workshop given by Gary Young at the 2012 Young Living International Grand Convention.]

Is writing old-fashioned? Not hardly! Gary will teach you how to tap into your emotions so you can reprogram those you wish to change—and the key is writing.

Put your iPads away, put your laptops away, get out the pad and pencil—we’re going to do it the old-fashioned way. Yup, sorry. The old-fashioned way. There’s a very specific reason for it. The mind does not connect to emotion through electronics; it connects to it through energy that is produced from the nimble movement of your fingers wrapped around a pencil shaft. I’m not saying that you can’t put it in your iPod, your laptop, or whatever later; please do so that you can put it in a file, save it, and never look at it again. That’s what we do, isn’t it? But for this class, please, I want you to write, not type; you’ll understand the reason one day if not before class is over.

A lot of you are going to connect with some very deep emotions today, and I really desire for you to experience that, because there’s a reason for it, there’s a need for it. As you do, please just write, write, write. That’s how you get it out, by writing.

Typing on a computer will not allow it to erase out of the mind; only when your hand is in motion with the feeling of the energy and moving and inscribing will it erase. What you are basically doing is reversing the action of the transcriptase enzyme that does the encoding on the MRNA [Memory RNA], so that’s why this is really critical. Many of you have been in my classes when I’ve talked about writing, writing, writing.

Thank you D. Gary Young, Founder of Young Living Essential Oils in D Gary Young Bog.

Until next time . . . Story Impact: Changing Stories – Impacting Lives!

HealingMeaningStrengthTrauma

Karin Volo – Bringing Joy to the World!

04
Mar
2012

“Every day I had to make a conscious choice between love and fear.
I chose love and it eventually won—as it always will.”  Karin Volo

Karin Volo, a nationally and internationally known, acclaimed business developer, success coach, and Mother of two children, ages 6 and 8, entered into the airport in San Diego, CA for a return flight to her home in Sweden. Exactly one week prior to this, some of Karin’s wildest dreams came true. She and her family moved into their dream home. She and her new life partner, after watching the Law of Attraction movie “The Secrete”, were eagerly preparing for the expansion of Karin’s already successful business into two more countries.

Standing in line with the man of her dream and new business partner, waiting to board their flight home. Karin, receiving a tap on her shoulder turned. Her eye met those of a US Marshall in March of 2006. An encounter that would change her life and the life of her family’s forever, as Karin left the airport, not on an air plane, but handcuffed in the back of a police car.

Facing uncertain charges; ones that she was never convicted of or sentenced for, she remained behind bars at the San Diego jail for next 1,342 days, without a chance to say or hug her children good-bye. New new life partner returned to their home in Sweden without her. He then had to tell her children the devastating news of why their Mom was not there and what had happened.

Also and isolated in a jail cell in a country that was not her own, her life stood in ever wavering jeopardy. She faced the terrifying possibly of extradition to Mexico, dehumanizing strip searches and forced pat downs and head counts . . . With feelings of fear and terror threatening to over take her, determined, she put into practice what she had learned in the movie the Secret. Armed with a book entitled “Yoga for Dummy’s” and raw courage, she stepped forward in service to herself, her family and her fellow inmates for the next 1,342 days. During this time she led other imprisoned women in powerful visualizations focusing on specific aspects of their lives beyond iron bars and guarded cement walls. Through these powerful visualizations these women felt the experiences of lovingly transporting their children from one activity to another . . . celebrating their personal educational, career or other life accomplishments as she supported them in their dreams. Through these experiences Karin courageously embraced the knowledge of and belief in the idea that today’s reality will never be tomorrow’s destiny.

Armed once again with various books from the prison’s library, Karin studied meditation and spirituality. During her own daily meditation sessions the image of a young girl by the name of Joy spoke to Karin. In the course of her communication with Joy, Karin authored 27 books relating the deeper spiritual truths that she was studying and translated them into a way that her children could understand. The messages of Joy becoming stronger and stronger with each passing day. Until, one by one, Karin wrote, illustrated and sent this series of Joy books to her children still living in Sweden. It was through Joy that Karin and her family embarked on a life transforming, Spiritual journey together. A journey took them beyond the perimeters of prison walls and geographic boarders.

Karin’s story so immeasurably touched me in several ways. One, by the incredible gift she gave her family during these indescribably personally challenging times. How her books, her words, her presence, her Mothering stood out so incredibly strong and far-reaching. I am too inspired by the strength of Karin’s love and parenting as she continued nourishing and nurturing herself as well as her family and friends through these inspirational stories. While Karin could not be there in person, she was present in so many other ways. I can only catch a glimpse of what it may have been like as her children unexpectedly received these cherished gifts. Then, approximately 3 years and 10 months later, receiving the news that she, their Mother, was finally on her way home.

Thank you Karin and Joy for Bringing Joy to the World!

Until next time . . . Story Impact: Changing Stories – Impacting Lives

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